NFL Gravediggers Rush To Field To Bury Unconscious Player

WASHINGTON—After a particularly heavy blow to the head left a member of the COs unresponsive, NFL gravediggers were seen rushing onto the field Sunday to deliver the last rites and bury the unconscious player. Multiple reports said the crew, which emerged from the stadium tunnel in a burgundy and gold hearse, consisted of porters, several muscular men with shovels and a priest. According to sources, NFL gravediggers cleared FedEx Field of athletes, dug a 6-foot-deep hole in the ground, checked the player for signs of life and dumped his inert body in its final resting place. The priest reportedly turned on his microphone and delivered a 30-second eulogy. As coaches, teammates and fans watched eagerly, witnesses confirmed the concussed athlete briefly gave a thumbs up, but soon collapsed again, at which point the gravediggers began picking up their shovels, buried it under several feet of dirt, covered the hole with a fresh layer of sod, and quickly placed a commander-themed headstone that read “One Legacy.” A Unified Future” at the burial site. At press time, more than 67,000 FedEx Field spectators were heard cheering wildly after a second player was knocked unconscious, picked up on a stretcher and thrown into a mass grave on the commanders sideline.